How Strong Is
Your Relationship?
Relationships are important, and you want to get it right.
Yet, knowing how well your relationship is actually going, can be surprisingly tough. Relationship science can help. Using what research knows about healthy relationships*, I created these 15 simple questions to help you get a sense of how your relationship is doing.
* If you want to read some of the original science, I've provided links within the questions.
15 Questions
As quickly as possible, answer each question truthfully with a simple yes or no:
1) Does your partner make you a better person, and do you do the same for them?
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2) Are you and your partner both comfortable with sharing feelings, relying on each other, being close, and able to avoid worrying about the other person leaving?
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3) Do you and your partner accept each other for who you are, without trying to change each other?
4) When disagreements arise, do you and your partner communicate respectfully and without contempt or negativity?
5) Do you and your partner share decision-making, power and influence in the relationship?
6) Is your partner your best friend, and are you theirs?
7) Do you and your partner think more in terms of “we” and “us,” rather than “you” and “I”?
8) Would you and your partner trust each other with the passwords to social media and bank accounts?
9) Do you and your partner have good opinions of each other – without having an overinflated positive view?
10) Do your close friends, as well as your partner’s, think you have a relationship that will stand the test of time?
11) Is your relationship free of red flags like cheating, jealousy, and controlling behavior?
12) Do you and your partner share the same values when it comes to politics, religion, the importance of marriage, the desire to have kids (or not) and how to parent?
13) Are you and your partner willing to sacrifice your own needs, desires, and goals for each other (without being a doormat)?
14) Do you and your partner both have agreeable and emotionally stable personalities?
15) Are you and your partner sexually compatible?
Scoring
While you may really want a score (e.g., a partner with at least a 12 out of 15 is a “keeper”), that isn’t really the goal. Rather, these questions are meant to be a self-guided tour through what relationship science knows about strong relationships. In other words, the best answer for every question is a quick, certain, and unqualified “yes.” If any question gave you pause or leads to a clear “no,” that’s an area that warrants attention and improvement.
If you want to learn more about these questions, please check out my article on Psychology Today “15 Questions to Help Decide if a Relationship Has a Future”
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To learn more about strong relationships, check out my new book: Stronger Than You Think
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More Free Stuff
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Like learning about relationships? Check out my Psychology of Relationships blog.
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