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​© 2019 by Gary W. Lewandowski Jr.  NY United States

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Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. Ph.D.

Professor

Department of Psychology

Monmouth University

West Long Branch, NJ 07764

Selected Articles

15 Questions That Determine If Your Relationship Will Last, According To Science

Does your relationship have a future? Is your partner Hall of Fame material?

**This article has been read over a quarter million times.

Is he or she the one? You know… the one to introduce to my parents, the one to move in with, the one to start a family with, the one to marry? At some point in every dating relationship, you ask yourself some version of these questions.

**This article has been read over 1 million times

Being someone’s BFF is a big deal – you don’t hand over the other half of your “Best Friends” necklace to just anyone. Having a romantic partner who is also your best friend potentially sounds perfect. With your BFF as your romantic partner, you get the best of both worlds, someone with whom you can laugh, share your life and cuddle...

**This article has been read over a quarter million times

When you think of breakups, the image that most likely comes to mind is of a sad and lonely person. For a long time, research on breakups reflected that image and focused almost exclusively on relationship loss as a negative experience.  The truth, however, is that breakups aren’t always as bad as we predict they will be...

Flirting comes in many forms: a casual gaze that lingers a half second longer than necessary, a light touch, an amorous expression, an overenthusiastic laugh during conversation, or even some playful or overtly sexual banter...

"Will you be my Valentine?" People all across the country say those words in the run-up to February 14 and the Valentine’s Day holiday. Whether you’re asking a brand new paramour or a long-term partner, the question can evoke feelings both of romantic uncertainty and possibility. But for the well-being of ourselves and our relationships, “Will you be my Valentine?” is the wrong question. Instead, the more important question to ask yourself is “Should you be my Valentine?”...

You experience stress nearly every day of your life. Stress can come from your job, your co-workers, your fellow commuters, and generally from having too much to do without enough time to do it. And anyone in a relationship knows how easy it is for that “external” stress to find its way into their romantic relationship...

The next time you see a couple together, take a few minutes to observe how the partners interact with each other. It may sound implausible that anyone could accurately and quickly determine whether someone is cheating on a partner based on a quick observation like this. But...

Ah, the honeymoon stage—that magical time when your partner is still perfect and you are very much in love. This period features high levels of passionate love, characterized by intense feelings of attraction and ecstasy, as well as an idealization of one's partner...

Earlier this year, The New York Timespublished a list of 36 questions written by psychologist Arthur Aron that new couples or acquaintances can ask each other if they want to fast-track their relationship (or break up, depending on what’s revealed). We wanted to create a similar questionnaire but have the focus be on self-discovery, so we turned to two psychologists who specialize in studying the self: Gary Lewandowski, Ph.D., a professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey, and Brent Mattingly, Ph.D....

What do you want in a husband or wife? Though not exactly Weird Science, in a classic survey researchers asked 200 newlyweds and over 100 undergraduates in heterosexual dating relationships what traits they prefer in a spouse...

Relationship conflict is inevitable. To identify the most common sources of conflict, over 100 participants listed the ways that men and women could upset, irritate, hurt, or anger each other. Researchers then analyzed subjects’ responses to identify the most central themes, or common topics, in the list. Based on this analysis, here are the top 15 behaviors that can upset a romantic partner...

College is all about new experiences: the start of a new life, new friends, new freedom, and new relationship experiences. Not surprisingly, romantic relationships are responsible for life’s happiest moments.1 For that reason, it is important to avoid problematic relationships that could jeopardize your college education. To help, we’ll identify qualities of healthy relationships in the context of common relationship experiences that students encounter during their first year in college...

Why do people cheat? There are several reasons why we take such a risk. It could be something about ourselves (perhaps our self-esteem), something about our relationships (perhaps they're not satisfying or fulfilling), or something about the situation (maybe we just had the chance). However, infidelity or cheating could also result from, at least partially, underlying biological and hormonal influences...

It happens. A few weeks into the semester you finish grading the first exam in a course, and check the class average only to find that performance is decidedly underwhelming. What happened? Was the exam too hard? Did it have confusing questions? Impossible, of course...

Congratulations! You have a tenure-track position. Now what? Seriously, how are you going to make the transition from tenure-track to tenured? What is the best way to spend your time? How much emphasis should you put on teaching? What are the scholarship expectations? ...

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